eq2ui_custom.xml would be inside the root folder of your DrumsUI folder, ie:
/install location/Everquest II/UI/DrumsUI/
By up-to-date, I wasn't sure if you are trying to use the Updater still or the manual download. And make sure this file exists:
/install location/Everquest II/UI/DrumsUI/DrumsUI/DrumsUI_MenuWindow.xml
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