Well, a 3rd party program that ran in the background would be fine so long as it only read the log, and not the actual game. Combat parsers read the log, but the equations for aggro or hate are not known at this time, and so it's impossible to track. Knowing how to keep aggro is part of being a good tank, and knowing how not to grab aggro is part of being a DPS in EQ2.
Sorry, but the first thing you're going to have to get used to is that here, there are a lot of limitations in what you can and cannot do. EQ2 is not "open" like WoW.
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