I personally do not have the tools to build an auto-updater other than dot.net (which I don't have the time to figure out). I've asked serval times in several areas for volunteers willing to build something like this for Fetish but so far have not had any luck.
If all else fails, I may end up building it myself with Flex 3.0 when Adobe releases it.
As far as updating only what's changed... you can always open the zip and sort by date and manually add those files that changed since the last release.
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